I grew up in a Christian household. I believed in God, and in Jesus, but the Lord felt like someone who looked down upon me from a distance. I believed God was good, not harmful, but I didn’t feel like He was personally interested in me. Growing up, my family hopped around to different churches but we never found anything that fit. It wasn’t until I was in high school that we regularly began attending a church for the first time that I remember. It was around this time that I really began to pay attention to Biblical teaching, and when The Passion of the Christ came out in 2004, it made Christ and His sacrifice real to me in a way He had never been before.

In July of 2010, my dad was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. He fell Asleep just a few short months later in October. I had never prayed so hard, and after he passed from this world, I knew that I had come to a pivotal moment: I could either turn away from God, or continue to seek Him in my pain. Determined to see my dad again in heaven, I chose the latter path. It wasn’t exactly the right reason to seek God, but He used it anyway.

In 2012 I met Chris, the love of my life, and I began to converse and hang out with other Christians my own age for the first time. Chris and I were involved in a singles ministry at our church, and were part of a small group before branching off to lead our own together. We were married in 2014, and a couple years later we made the spontaneous decision to get baptized at our local church one Sunday. I wish I could say the decision jump started my faith in a fresh way, but it didn’t.

I had always told people that I had a relationship with Jesus, but I realize now that I had no idea what that meant. I knew about Jesus, but I didn’t know Him. As the years went by, I began to backslide into the ways of the world. I didn’t guard my mouth, my mind, or my heart, and I fell into sin and bad habits.

Nearing the end of the global pandemic in December of 2021, I realized that I had grown into an anxious, depressed, and pessimistic person who was living in constant fear of an uncertain future. I felt out of control, alone, and I cried what felt like daily. I didn’t like the person I had become, but I realized I couldn’t fix myself. I came the conclusion that the world couldn’t fix me either, and that I had to look outside the world for the help I so desperately needed. In John 16:33, Jesus tell us, “In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Jesus had overcome the world - and everything in it, so I decided that’s Who I had to go to. Jeremiah 29:13 says, “You will seek Me and you will find Me when you seek Me with all your heart,” so in January of 2022 I began reading my Bible with a fresh expectancy, looking for comfort and answers - and that’s exactly what I found.

I am living proof of the goodness of God. “I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me form all my fears.” This comes from Psalm 34:4, but I mean and guarantee every word. I did seek the Lord. And He did answer me. Through His Word, He showed the lies that I believed about myself, about my future, about my life, and about Himself, and showed me the truth. He revealed things about myself that no one else knew, secrets that I had buried so deep I didn’t even know myself that they were there. I realized that I didn’t like myself - but that He loved me. I realized that I thought I was stupid - but He assured me that I was not. I realized that I was under the impression that all my talents were useless and that I was a failure - but He told me that He had given me my gifts, and that He had plans for them. If I had miles of computer screen, I couldn’t list all the ways He has helped me - and continues to help me, each and every day.

I can honestly say that I know Jesus now. I have a relationship with Him. He’s my savior, my father, my friend, my provider, and my healer. He is so patient, and so gentle, and so ready to help. I love Him, and I’m so grateful for everything He has done, is doing, and all He will do.

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Be encouraged, my friend - you are beloved. You are seen. You are known. Look outside the world. Look to the One who loves you above all. Seek Him, and He will deliver you from all your fears. Whatever you are facing, whatever you are struggling with, if you feel confused, if you feel lonely, if you feel rejected - please know with certainty that there is a God who loves you, who knows how you feel, and wants to help you.